On a Dark Sunday Morning
by The Protagonist
Summary: A brooding Sydney Bristow comes to some terms on her feelings at the beginning of Season 3. A songfic to No Doubt's 'Sunday Morning'.


On a Dark Sunday Morning

Sydney Bristow sighed as she sullenly gazed out the window on a dark morning. It was one of those rare but precious moments that she would have every now and then- to just sit and think. But even in her thoughts she felt torture.

__

She closed her eyes to mask a tear and stop a shiver. Never had she ever been big on crying. It tended to symbolize weakness to her. It was so stupid, Sydney reflected, to ever have believed she could truly ever be happy. She was a horrible person, she decided. She had ruined so many lives. No, she could never be happy. Sydney didn't deserve it.

__

  
Sappy pathetic little me   
That was the girl I used to be   
You had me on my knees 

Long ago she had been happy, hadn't she? Ah, but that was when she had him... Sydney couldn't bear to think of his name on days like these. It was too painful just to think that for one little moment she had true bliss and maybe had actually deserved it. But this Sydney Bristow had been through much, more than the person she had been before this... ordeal.

Pain rushed through her body, her soul, and her mind. It was odd to think of how torturous one's mind could be. Had she not have been so somber, Sydney thought she might have actually laughed at such an existential quip.

  
_I'd trade you places any day   
I'd never thought you could be that way   
But you looked like me on Sunday   
_

You know, Sydney's inner monologue told her. He's so much better off then you. He has a new life, hasn't he? He has a wife, who probably loves and appreciates him loads more than you ever did. He's moved on. What would he want you for?

That had always been one of Sydney's secret fears, that someday she would wake up suddenly from something and have every part of her existence replaced. But it was only supposed to be a pathetic dream. A small fear.

That pathetic dream had become the nightmare she was living.

Hadn't he ever loved her? Sydney wanted to scream. How could he do this to her? How could he?

He was living the life she was supposed to be living with him. Not with that blonde bimbo wife of his. No, no, no!

Sydney began to sob on the pillow she was clutching.

__

You came in with the breeze   
On Sunday morning   
You sure have changed since yesterday   
Without any warning   
I thought I knew you   
I thought I knew you   
I thought I knew you well...so well   


Everything had changed too much, Sydney reckoned as she attempted to dry her tears. It was all too hopeless. Her entire life had changed without any notice and there he was, just sitting around there like it was no damn big deal.

Sydney just couldn't stomach why this had happened. She hadn't been too bad a person. Ah, her inner voice told her. Now you are, though.

  
_You're trying my shoes on for a change   
They look so good but fit so strange   
Out of fashion, so I can't complain _

Secretly, Sydney wished that he could have two years of his life stolen so the jerk could see what it was like. Maybe Blondie would get married again. That would show him when he came back. That thought almost brought a smile to Sydney's face. But she couldn't smile. She didn't want him to have to suffer like that. No, even through all the crap she'd been through and they'd been through together, Sydney still loved him.

  
_I know who I am, but who are you?   
You're not looking like you used to   
You're on the other side of the mirror   
So nothing's looking quite as clear   
Thank you for turning on the lights   
Thank you, now you're the parasite   
I didn't think you had it in you   
And now you're looking like I used to!   
_

Sydney still had some things to her name, didn't she? She had some vague grip on who she was. She was Sydney Amanda Bristow, wasn't she? Weiss was her friend. She had her father who loved her. And Marshall. And Carrie. Maybe she didn't have everything, but she still had some things.

But she still couldn't understand _him_, the notorious man himself. Why didn't he have any faith in me, Sydney wondered. That was the one question that constantly repeated in her mind. 

Maybe, the annoying little voice reasoned, he was too tragically hurt by your "death", that he needed love from another to make it through? But that didn't make any sense to Sydney. But then again, do things ever do like that?

  
_You came in with the breeze   
On Sunday morning   
You sure have changed since yesterday   
Without any warning   
And you want me badly   
You cannot have me   
I thought I knew you   
But I've got a new view   
I thought I knew you well...oh well_

Sydney knew she could cope with everything. Maybe subconsciously, they wanted one another. But Sydney had a feeling that was all there was and would ever be. And Sydney was fine with that. So what if he had a new life and someone new to love?

And if Michael Vaughn could have these things, then why couldn't Sydney Bristow? Anything was possible on a Sunday morning.

Author's Notes (AKA Author's drabble to ward off any insecure thoughts about her story before she sends it off): Well, this is my first _Alias _fic and the inspiration came from it while I was obviously listening to the song _Sunday Morning_ by No Doubt. I could relate it to the happenings of the beginning of the third season and how Sydney must have felt. These was my first sonfic, so I hoped it turned out all right. (Hoped being the key word...). Well thanks for reading! Press the pretty purple button to show you care!

By TheProtagonist

Song featured in this songfic was _Sunday Morning _by No Doubt from their CD _Tragic Kingdom._ The song is not mine and is the property of the band and their label Interscope Records. Lyrics are from www.songlyrics.com.


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